Dear Joel Przybilla,

Joel, off the court.

Dear Joel,

We haven’t officially met but I know that given the right circumstances we’d hit it off. You are just an inch over seven feet tall, you play basketball professionally and you pair your giganticness with overly large sideburns and a goofy mid-western grin. How can anyone resist such a charming combination?

You’ve probably seen me around town, Joel. I often run near the waterfront, where you undoubtedly own a large condo filled with free basketball swag. I’m sure you even hired a team of decorators so that maybe, one day, your Crib and eleven foosball tables will be showcased on MTV. But enough about you. Let’s talk about us.

Joel, I think we should really go out for coffee. Soon. And if you don’t drink coffee maybe we can go eat a half dozen cupcakes together. I might only be 5’3”, I might not know much about pro basketball, and I’m sure you’re awfully busy with team training and hanging out with the Blazer’s mascot, who I suspect is your best friend when you’re not shooting hoops. All of this aside, I really felt a connection with you this evening. You were down on the court, giving the Toronto Raptors a smackdown. I was way up in the stands cheering wildly and yelling “You can do it, Joel.”

Did you hear me?

Did you feel the connection too?
So, Joel… I know this is forward of me, but would you like to hang out sometime?

Big hugs for a big player,

Heather

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About heatherdaniel

I'm a runner, writer, eater and traveler.
This entry was posted in entertainment, life, portland. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Dear Joel Przybilla,

  1. stvmllr says:

    This is preposterous! What do I look like, a matchmaker? Are his cupcakes better than my bacon donuts? I see how it is! Well, I hope this doesn’t spoil it for you, but he doesn’t like mushrooms either! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find the Blazer Dancer with her own batch of donuts.

  2. grace says:

    did you see his wedding band in this picture? i think he’s married…

  3. eric przybilla says:

    Joel is my distant cousin, cuz we have the same last name. Also becaus ei know he is in my family

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