Original Mission: To Complete Weekly Long Run (20 miles or 3 hours) before work.
Mission Outcome: Success
Mission Debriefing: I left mission headquarters at 0500 hours. A cranky gut, filled with gluten-free brownies, gluten-free cake, red wine, coconut milk ice cream and guacamole, churned leftovers into a stew of discontent.
Miles 1-4: I feel fantastic. I feel better than stupendous. I whip downtown and onto the bike corridor feeling like a million bucks, or as expensive as one can feel at 5 AM. Oh, look a possum!
Mile 5: Bubble Gut Syndrome sets in. “BBGGLLLLLURRRRGGggggghhhh,” says my stomach. I whisper back that it only needs to make it through the next 15 miles. “GRrrrrrrruuuummmmgggggghhh!” it answers. “C’mon, honey. You can do this. Just 15 more miles baby,”
Mile 5.25: “!@#$#~!! YOU! says my stomach. She isn’t going be sweet talked after last night’s abuse.
Mile 5.27: Bubble Gut Syndrome intensifies and is now classified as RTU (Runner’s Trots Unavoidable). Oh, God. Oh….God. Oh, God, oh godohgodohgod.
Mile 5.5: I pause the prayers to the digestive gods to consider my mile splits: 7:55/mile. Not too shabby.
Mile 6: Just as I seriously consider ducking into the bushes, I spy relief in a rectangular form in the distance. A porta-potty! I’m saved! My crampy stomach and I cheer in unison. We both agree that while we might love Coconut Bliss Ice Cream and gluten-free brownies, they do NOT love us. We make up in the porta-potty and are on our way.
Mile 7-9: This is boring. This is fun. Nope, now it’s boring again.
Mile 10: Yay! Mile 10. I suck down a HoneyStinger and feel queasy, sick and ready to upchuck. I will not hurl. I will not hurl!
Mile 11: I’m not hurling! Yay! And I’m still going strong. Double Yay!
Mile 11-15: I do a spot check on my mile times. I’ve slowed to a mediocre 8:30, but still good for a long run. Those trail miles, hill workouts and track practices must be paying off.
Mile 15: Just have to wrap ‘er up and git’er done.
Mile 16: I dig deep for some inspiration and find myself repeating “Eye of the Tiger, Eye of the Tiger”
Finish Line: My apartment. I did it! And so did my stomach.